This post should be longer than it’s going to be. But, I don’t have the time! So, here’s the highlights:
See what NaNoWriMo is all about!
I did smashingly yesterday.
Today, I am filled with nervous fear.
My doubt demons have come to play, but I don’t wanna let them in.
Unfortunately, I think ignoring them is turning into ignoring writing, and I don’t want that to happen!
I haven’t written successfully in SO.LONG. I’m afraid I won’t manage anything productive; that I’ll hit a wall; that I won’t finish; that I will always be a wanna be and never an actual published author.
Just the fact that this fear exists makes me angry. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I was once confident about and excited by my writing, and while I still have the latter, I don’t have the former. Too many people who were supposed to be encouraging and supportive (isn’t that in the critique partner/writing buddy contract??) let me down, and my silly self took it as rejection not of the time it takes to be encouraging and supportive, but of me and what I create. It’s…well, it’s ugly. I know it’s not stupid that I feel that way, but it IS stupid that I’m letting it get in my way. I *want* to write. I *need* to write! Yet here I am, whining at my blog instead of using these words to propel forward my story.
Sigh. Days like that, I completely understand why professionals on the other side of an actual paycheck say that if you can do something else with your life, you should do it. Ugh.
Oh look! It wasn’t short after all. 😛