Throw Away Month

So much for NaNoWriMo.  I have more personal issues to work through than I thought I did!  Plus, moving with a toddler is just not as easy as one might take for granted.  Whoops.

I need to find a way to make this new space “home.”  It’s weirding out my psyche.  I can’t focus, can’t keep on task, can’t seem to muster willpower or courage or productive notions.  (Or it could be the exhaustion and stress…maybe…)

Anyway!  On to writing of more pleasant things!

I have planned a new project for Facebook.  This has been something of a preoccupation for a year.  I’m ready to try something new, and this promises to be both entertaining and challenging.  The basic idea is this: I have no readers beyond my husband, and I need some.  Even if it’s only more family and close friends, I need to share my work with a greater variety of readers.  I need to be serious about my work, instead of timid and fearful of personal rejection.  Facebook, for all its ills and ails, is a perfect place to share and woman up.  I shall be releasing a series of short stories on my Facebook page, free for all who wish to read.  They will be futuristic, set on a New Earth, embodying beginnings, endings, triumphs and failures.  And for me, they will be Hard To Write.  I don’t do short.

Stay tuned for more details!

NaNoWriMo!

This post should be longer than it’s going to be.  But, I don’t have the time!  So, here’s the highlights:

See what NaNoWriMo is all about!

I did smashingly yesterday.

Today, I am filled with nervous fear.

My doubt demons have come to play, but I don’t wanna let them in.

Unfortunately, I think ignoring them is turning into ignoring writing, and I don’t want that to happen!

I haven’t written successfully in SO.LONG.  I’m afraid I won’t manage anything productive; that I’ll hit a wall; that I won’t finish; that I will always be a wanna be and never an actual published author.

Just the fact that this fear exists makes me angry.  I shouldn’t be feeling this way.  I was once confident about and excited by my writing, and while I still have the latter, I don’t have the former.  Too many people who were supposed to be encouraging and supportive (isn’t that in the critique partner/writing buddy contract??) let me down, and my silly self took it as rejection not of the time it takes to be encouraging and supportive, but of me and what I create.  It’s…well, it’s ugly.  I know it’s not stupid that I feel that way, but it IS stupid that I’m letting it get in my way.  I *want* to write.  I *need* to write!  Yet here I am, whining at my blog instead of using these words to propel forward my story.

Sigh.  Days like that, I completely understand why professionals on the other side of an actual paycheck say that if you can do something else with your life, you should do it.  Ugh.

ETA:
Oh look!  It wasn’t short after all.  😛